Day 3: What makes me happy?

I have written a blog post before about some things that make me smile so I’ve already covered sunflowers, hot air balloons and rainbows.

The obvious addition to what makes me happy would have to be my darling partner (who is my boundless love and support… and who, right now, is singing loudly and off-key, “I’m a believer” down in the kitchen—that makes me smile for sure.)

Our three gorgeous dogs make us both happy. They play together in the yard where we can see them from the back window or they play with us. They are especially funny when we take them to the dam and they swim and play, generally making us nearly as wet as they are by the end of it.

Coming home to our strawbale house makes me happy too. I’d like a lot more garden and there are endless things that still need finishing but the ‘happy’ is definitely installed and working very well.

What makes you happy?

Time

At the moment it seems that my time is like some kind of shifting sand monster and just when I think I have managed to grab hold of some, it slithers away and I'm left with nothing. The monster stalks me when it thinks I'm not paying attention and leaps in to eat up things I wanted to be doing.

All of that is just a waffly way of saying I have no time left for the things I really want to be doing and that I enjoy - like reading and writing. Instead my time is being devoured by work, tedium and busyness. I keep trying to squeeze time with my family and friends into my schedule but it is always rushed, there's more work or somewhere else I need to get to lurking close by.

I worry about time. I try not to wish it away but find myself doing so anyway. I worry that I will look back and wonder what I did with my life and regret that the time I spent on work and the value I place on the piles of correction and online reporting do not correspond.

Right now, I'm stealing a little bit of time to myself to write this. It's the break I have rewarded myself with after completing two of the four stacks of correction sitting on my lounge room floor. It's only a small amount of time that I can afford. For example, I couldn't afford to go out to our house site with Nic as he is planning on spending a couple of hours out there and I still have those other two stacks to get through.

Time interests me. I think we don't value it when we have it - usually as young people. And like any good supply and demand model of economics, it only becomes more valuable when we realise just how little we have.

In the hospital

In the hospital you said,

“We used to have fun,

you and I,

when you were little.”

you held my hand tightly

and I couldn’t feel

my fingers

You said,

“You were a terror

knocking down

the houses

I’d built of cards.”

I leant forward

in the uncomfortable chair

left for uncomfortable visitors

smiled

and laughed too loudly

agreed

I talked about the kite

we made

together

that wouldn’t fly properly

until it’s frame broke

in a spectacular crash landing

you did a hasty repair

and finally

it flew

You held my hand and said,

“Anyway, ninety-one’s pretty good,”

and I laughed as if you were joking

kissed your cheek

and left

as if nothing was wrong

Somewhere a house

of cards

fell down

**************************************

Background:

Recently my Pa wasn't very well and the conversation we had before his operation to remove a bowel obstruction frightened me so I needed to write about it. The ending is about my fear, not Pa's demise & in fact, he's doing very well.